Cassi set foot on US soil ("soil" referring to the dirt that I'm sure was in the Houston International Airport's carpet) on November 29th. I still can not believe she is here and that she has been here almost a year! It feels like she has always been here and other than the pain of waiting for her and wondering about her, I barely remember what life was like before Cassi. So, on November 29th, she will celebrate one year home and her 2nd birthday.
I was going back on the blog, looking at pictures and video from all 3 trips to Russia and found myself in tears with mixed emotions. She has grown and developed so much and so well since then! She is such a loving, happy child. She says, "I lofe chew, Mom," ( "I love you, Mom"---I'm not sure why the "Mom" part and not "Mommy" but I will take it!) spontaneously. She showers us and us with her with hugs and kisses all day. I love to see her run and laugh with her curls bobbing all the while, or rolling on the floor with Kai playing and laughing.
The mix in emotions comes into play, because I found myself starting to go down that path that no doubt all adoptive parents go down. What would have happened to her if we had not adopted her? How would she be doing now? What would have happened to her at age 18 when she aged out of the orphanage? I can only pose those questions in my mind because I just can't allow my mind to take me there. I can picture what happens to the other orphans who are still there and those who are being let out into the world by orphanages all across Russia (and the world), but no my Cassi.
So, I pose this question to other adoptive parents. What do you do when your mind wonders "there?" Do you allow it go or do you quickly think of something happier and repress those thoughts? I don't know if I should just think about the possibilities, have a really good cry and then hope I don't go down that mental road again or to keep repressing those images.
On a happier note, Cassi's Gammy will be making her an Abbey Cadabby (spell) cake and an Elmo cookie cake for her 2nd birthday celebration! We are having it at Thanksgiving, so that's why we NEED massive amounts of cake! lol I am still searching for a really cute but comfortable birthday outfit that has a cake on it or some kind of birthday references. I have no idea what the weather will be like by then as it's been unseasonably warm.
We are looking forward to this big celebration of so many important events in Cassi's life. We "lofe chew," Cassi! :)
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1 comment:
I know exactly what you mean and feel. When I allow my mind to wonder, I literally get sick to my stomach. It use to be a lot worse for me when we first came home. I was constantly asking the question, "what if..." it was horrible to think about it. What I find helps for me is not to let myself think about it in great detail. When it runs across my mind, I look at Dagny let myself feel thankful for having her right next me.
It is amazing that our girls have almost been home for a year. We are also getting ready to celebrate Dagny's 2nd birthday. I can't believe she is going to be two. It really seems like she has been one forever.
I can't wait to see photos of Cassi's birthday bash. We are doing it three times here, one at school, one on her b-day, and one on thanksgiving (when the family is here). It's crazy, I hope I am not chewing off more then I can handle. :-)
Barbara
www.johnsonhousehold.com
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